Word of Mouf
2010
Coming out of the darkness
A shape undefined by lines
Said to be dead but yet alive
Incurable disease caused by its presence
Retreating into darkness to wait until its next victim comes along
It sits patiently
Waiting...
Waiting...
And then
When all else is done
It strikes

This is just a thought
With everything I got
Could of had what I wanted if I did but did not
Could of been prepared and done it with the things that I brought
But I didn't have the courage to stay true to the plot
Could of changed the way I lived and the way that I feel
If the world wasn't turning like the spokes in a wheel
Could have made the choices slower could have taken the time
But the choices that I made were in the blink of an eye
If I, thought about it then it wouldn't make sense
Because the world that I live in is so small and condensed
Because the world is so big when you look at it, really
But the world in my head is the world I'm feeling
And it, makes me think what I did as a kid
If I made the better choices with the life that I lived
If I turned around and did them as a full grown man
Would I maybe have my life in the palm of my hands?
But a lot of times I think that I'm not full grown
That the things in life I claimed still aren't really my own
And the person that I am isn't who I should be
Because I love the life I live but I don't feel free
And the things I want to say, they just don't come out
I've stayed cooler than a freezer when I've wanted to shout
I've kept all the things inside that I should've expressed
And I'm sorry that I didn't talk, I love you no less
It's just sometimes what I think, isn't what I can say
But I thought about your face, and your smile today
And I wish I could be there through the stormiest weather
And I wish I didn't argue and could make you feel better
And I wish that I would never have to face these choices
When I'm down in the night, I can still hear voices
I can still hear the people that are talking to me
Telling me that I was wrong and that I should've agreed
That I should have gone on, when I turned back and ran
But I couldn't face the fact that I was faced with a chance
So I did what I did and I have regrets
And all the time I keep on thinking that my life is a bet
That I made the moves I thought would be the best in the end
But it only really counted when I couldn't pretend
When I chose to do the things pleasing everyone else
Then I wasn't looking out for me and losing myself
When I did the things I thought were there to make me happy
I would fear that they'd be watching, and were silently laughing
So I know to put the past away, back on the shelf
And the worst I ever felt was when I dwelled on myself
And it really wasn't them who were causing me grief
But my conscience battling and telling me to retreat
So the worst times in my life were all self-induced
I could defend myself from others but it served me no use
When sometimes I get so smothered that I just can't breathe
So I have to close my eyes so that my body's at ease
Then it stops...

Uh. Uh.
Uh. It goes again and again
I can feel my heart is beating with no message to send
I can see itself repeating with no vision to end
So my fate will be determined while I'm making amends
But I look into the eyes of the people I know
And I see the way they suffer in the faintest of glows
And I wish that I could help them, all the people I love
But the future's closing in, fitting tight like a glove
So for now I've got to think about the things that I want
For all the weakness that I hold I have to put up a front
It would get unbearable, then at least for a day
I'd push the ones I loved and desires away
And I'd focus on the worst, staying up in the night
Until the things that I would need would disappear out of sight
But I'd get into a rut, and wouldn't want to come out
Just wait for someone else to help me who would answer my shout
But I realized that this isn't really what I should do
But you always do the worst things when you're feeling so blue
So I made myself responsible and didn't give in
But it only held a certain weight before I wore thin
So I felt that it was hopeless, that I'd never recover
If a certain day was sunny, it was rainy another
But I guess that now I've learned, that I'm moving through life
And the knowledge of myself is cutting deep like a knife
And sometimes it can get hard, making me want to cry
It's like swimming in the ocean when I want to be dry
But I know that when it's good, I can think and retrace
And I know that I would never want to trade my own place.